WOW!

Its been a super long time!! I guess an update is in order. Lots to tell, so it will have to be bullet style...

-Still waiting on the adoption. Feels like I will be waiting forever, but I know that I need to have that waiting time for the right child that fits into my life.

-Harley is a massive big beast, but she is the sweetest, big baby in the whole world. Her obediance classes went well and we are working on all the skills still.

-Boys..... I'm not sure what I can say. I don't think I have ever felt worthy of feeling someones love and so I was self sabatouging. Believe me when I say there are about a million posts more about how I am realizing my lack of self-worth and self esteem issues. So I guess I haven't been able to find a man who is willing to take that baggage on yet, not that I have been activly looking.

-Work is still good. I love my job and I love the kids in my class! Can't get any better then that.

-Last but not least, I am trying very hard to lose weight, and do it healthly. I have started the ideal protien diet, but I have also starting running. I am registared to do a 5km in May. I'm excited about this. So far in 2 months I have lost 24.4 pounds and 25.5 inches off my body!

Thats the update for now, I'm hoping to update this more often!!!

So.... its my birthday.....

and all I wanted for a present, was my sociail worker to call. I hate the waiting that you do in adoptions. You wait to get off the waiting list, you wait as you fill out paper work, you wait for your socail worker to come up for the interviews and home checks. Then your finally offically approved. This is when the big wait comes. The wait that I am in right now. I am at the point in my adoption story where I just wit for the call and wait to have some little bambino placed in my arms.

I am not the most patient person in the world. And I hate having no answers to the questions that are asked of me. Lets just hope it happens sooner then later!!!

And now I wait.....

Well the adoption process is on its way. I have filled out all my paperwork, got the necessary papers put together, pictures taken for my profile. I had my home inspection and had my interviews. Everything went well and now I just wait.

I think I find this the hardest part. When I was in the midst of all the paperwork and all the questions and decisions, I found I was okay with it, knowing that this was all a means to an end. The end where I get to be a Mom and love and raise a child. But now that alls that done, I just have to wait. I am not always the most patient person when it comes to waiting for awesome exciting things to happen. I also hate answering questions about the wait. It could be three weeks from now that I get the call or it could be 3 years from now, although I may die if it takes 3 years. I'm not sure I can wait that long. Although I know that I can and that I will, its hard, cause I want this new life to start now.

I have chosen to not start a new relationship or anything until after baby comes, seeing as I dont want to have to worry about someone else in the process when I know at times I will feel overwhelmed and overtired. But what if I am holding out for 3 years, and I've turned down something that it potentially super awesome for me. Its such a hard balance and such a hard decision to make.

I just can't wait to meet the little one. Thats what keeps me holding on, watching them take their first steps, first day of preschool, kindergarten, first crush, first date, first kiss, graduation, and then all the milestones in between.

TELEMIRACLE......

all you need is a miracle, all we need is you!!!

So this weekend was the 34 Telemiracle. I was able to go and answer phones and get to spend my weekend, taking pledges and watching some awesome Saskatchewan talent.

I am so proud to be from my little town. For a town of 500, we raised just over
$35 000. How awesome is that. Our province raised over 4 million. I can't believe the generosity that this province has. It makes my heart smile.

Weight.....

It always seems to be on my mind. I decide to have a couple chocolate raisens and I think about how fat I am. I don't take Harley for a walk, because I am super sick, and I think about how I am not working out, which means in my head I'm getting fatter.

I was finally becoming happy and comfortable in this body of mine when I did a total 180. I became dissatisfied and unhappy, and uncomfortable looking in the mirror.

I want to be happy in the skin I'm in and I want to feel sexy again.

I had tried weight watchers before and lost some weight. I think I am going to do it again and with walking the dog for an hour a day, maybe see some nice weight loss.

I think I want this bad enough it will stick. Or I hope it will.

Harley in all her glory.....

2010

Well we are 18 days into the new year. And what a year it has been already.

I started this year, with the resolution to be myself and to be completely and honestly and openly me. I also put into effect a 5 date rule and decided to not settle anymore. I'm tired of dating/meeting the jerks and I'm willing to wait for that person. I also know that I will meet that person come hell or high water.

This year also started with me adopting a puppy from the local Regina Humane Society. She is a 4 month old American Staffordshire Terrier Cross. She is pretty smart, and somewhat stubborn. She fits in well with the household, if she just would quit jumping all over Koda my cat and actually let Koda lay on the couch for a couple minutes. We start obediance this week so I'm looking forward to learning how to work with her and having a very well behaved dog.

I also got some super exciting news. I am offically on the track for adopting my first child. I know it seems scary, and it is in someways, but also for me it is very exciting. The idea of giving birth to my own children has been for me one that has wavered throughout my life. I struggle with PCOS, and since I was 16, the doctors have told me that I am/will stuggle with having children. I know there are ways, but I don't want to bank on being able too. At 25, I went to the local office of social services and applied to adopt. I was told it was going to be 5-7 years on a waiting list and after being on that list of one and a half years I am adopting. This is a new venture for me, and while I know my life is about to change drastically, I am incredibly excited for this moment.

I know 2010 is going to be my year. I can't wait to see what this year has in store for me. Hows your 2010 going for you?