And now I wait.....

Well the adoption process is on its way. I have filled out all my paperwork, got the necessary papers put together, pictures taken for my profile. I had my home inspection and had my interviews. Everything went well and now I just wait.

I think I find this the hardest part. When I was in the midst of all the paperwork and all the questions and decisions, I found I was okay with it, knowing that this was all a means to an end. The end where I get to be a Mom and love and raise a child. But now that alls that done, I just have to wait. I am not always the most patient person when it comes to waiting for awesome exciting things to happen. I also hate answering questions about the wait. It could be three weeks from now that I get the call or it could be 3 years from now, although I may die if it takes 3 years. I'm not sure I can wait that long. Although I know that I can and that I will, its hard, cause I want this new life to start now.

I have chosen to not start a new relationship or anything until after baby comes, seeing as I dont want to have to worry about someone else in the process when I know at times I will feel overwhelmed and overtired. But what if I am holding out for 3 years, and I've turned down something that it potentially super awesome for me. Its such a hard balance and such a hard decision to make.

I just can't wait to meet the little one. Thats what keeps me holding on, watching them take their first steps, first day of preschool, kindergarten, first crush, first date, first kiss, graduation, and then all the milestones in between.